DREWspective

Once again I mustered up the courage to talk to a girl, on the way home from work. We got talking after some initial confusion, and I became lost in her eyes… well, I was secretly trying to get her number. (Unfortunately I’m still at Level -1 of the dating game.)

Briefly talking to start with, she had a positive spin on the "nice guy" phenomenon. Apparently the term can be used in different contexts, and the meaning can be interpreted through their body language. There’s an area I’m unfamiliar with, and most people could do well to learn about it. In this times of false advertisements, lists of adjectives and textbook one-liners, body language is probably the most reliable means of communication.

When a girl calls someone (you) a "nice guy", look at what she’s doing. If she’s moving away - and that happens a fair bit - then apparently she likes you on a friendship level and nothing more.
If she’s moving closer, apparently it means "you’re a nice guy… a very very nice guy…" and smiles will follow for hours.

The most unusual thing I’ve heard yet is that apparently guys call girls "nice girls" too. Now I’ve heard everything.

Having spent a weekend in Finland only to get the "nice guy" speech, I decided I was fed up of being seen as a "nice guy". Delude yourselves all you want, but "nice guys" are not in fashion (i.e. not wanted). At best, they have to wait until middle age before they get any action - and all there is to sample is single moms and sloppy seconds.

I was so fed up of the same routine, the same textbook scripts and lines, and falling for people who didn’t give a shit how I felt.

This is why I’ve started Ask A Girl: an initiative where I ask a member of the female species about pressing interpersonal issues. It’s not strictly a ‘how-to’ article, but the idea is to get some insight into what goes on in their simple little heads.

I talked to a married woman on the train to work this morning, asking her about the myths behind the labelling of a "nice guy" and the generalisation of "friend". She claims her husband is/was a "nice guy", whom she rejected when she was 16.

Some interesting things came up during the conversation…

"Nice guys"
Apparently it’s younger women who fall for the "treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen" mentality. As they get older, they (allegedly) realise they’ve been idiots and change their ways.

Sometimes a girl realises she is dating/attracting the wrong kind of guy, so they "make a conscious effort to change their mentality".

The woman also said that "nice guys" shouldn’t [have to] change, which I interpreted as just another "you’ll find someone" platitude.

"Friends"
One thing I know all us guys can all relate to: the dreaded "friend" terminology. I’ve been told it can be a genuine gesture, or just a self-serving let-down, depending on the girl.

But fear not - this woman’s husband used to be "just a friend" too. Apparently there is hope.