For all those who are unfamilar with my writing, I like to write a special message on my weblog at around Christmas and the New Year. These messages are about my deep-felt thoughts about how things are going in the world.
For the past few years, I’ve pleaded with readers to remember those people who don’t have anyone to celebrate Christmas with. We live in incredibly selfish times, and it’s easy to take present-giving and being with family for granted. I think, based on the little I’ve seen, that my message had gotten through to some people.
This year, I want to talk about something different: friends.
Friends are something that many people take for granted. Some people have a whole load of them; others get by with just a few; more still have one or two friends.
Some people have nobody they consider a friend at all.
Ask yourself: what is your definition of a friend? What does friendship mean to you? Is a friend someone you speak to regularly, or does it go deeper than that?
As many people in my close circles know, making friends has always been a serious challenge for me. Whatever the reason, it’s one of those skills that so many people take for granted (next to projecting one’s voice) that I’ve never been able to master. The sad fact is, all of the people I consider to be friends I have now are those who’ve approached me first.
For me personally: a friend is someone who stays in your corner, regardless of whether you’re winning or losing. Because of my mental disposition, it can be challenging for people to stick around; I can’t count the number of people who’ve run out on me when I needed someone’s company. People who run out on you (for any reason) without putting up a fight are not your friends.
Let me stress, though, that friends are not people who automatically take your side (or anyone else’s): I’ve seen so many people—and I have to say, girls are by far the biggest culprits—who automatically side with their mates, even if they know full well that their mate(s) is/are in the wrong. That’s not friendship; that’s gang mentality.
One important thing I look for in a potential friend is the ability to empathise. There are things I get depressed about very easily—such as relationships and lack of social skills—that your average person would have no problems with.
I don’t expect everybody to know what it’s like to be rejected before you even open your mouth, but I do want people to respect that these things are not as easy for me. People who aren’t friends will pretend they know what they’re talking about, blame you for your difficulties, or give you a one-line, three-word “catch-all” solution.
Unfortunately, such people are hard to come by these days.
I’ve seen people—once again, girls being the biggest offenders—placing looks requirements on new friends, even if it’s supposed to be platonic. If you’re not the right height, ethnicity, colour or build, they don’t want to know you. And they call these “preferences”.
Most disturbing of all are those who act like one person (read: kind, caring) when you meet them, but turn into completely different (read: nasty and ignorant) people when you have a bad day. I guarantee that, unless you’ve been extremely lucky, you’ve met one of those.
My message this year is very simple:
Don’t ever take real friends for granted. You’re lucky to have every single one of them.
Get rid of all of your bad friends. I’ve talked about this before in this weblog, but there’s nothing worse than having the wrong people in your corner. I cut off most of them a few months ago.
I challenge you all, for next year, to try and make at least one friend that falls outside of your physical criteria. Good friends—and bad ones—come in all shapes and sizes.
If you can’t do it then ask yourself: how good a friend are you?
