I watched season six of Project Runway in its entirety, not so long ago. (It’s not something I’m proud of – I watched it solely for the creativity involved.) For me, and I suspect other people as well, it was a lot like watching Top Chef season five: it was obvious who the winner was going to be, but I was hoping against hope that someone else would win. I also wasn’t a fan of the gratuitous negativity and artificial suspense, as seems to be the standard for “reality” television.
One question that repeatedly came up for me, while watching Project Runway, was about the way the male fashion designers, and just about anyone on the show who was male, were acting. I wondered if it was absolutely necessary to be gay, or at least have a camp personality, to be in the fashion industry. (Just as well I don’t want to go into fashion; I like pussy too much. 
) I make no assumptions about the sexuality of male designers, nor do I have any problem with homosexuality.
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Recently I found myself in an incredibly familiar situation: I was pining for someone I’d lost, whom I knew was no good for me at all. They basically treated me like shit and never gave anything of themselves, and at the drop of a hat they let one little incident spell the end of a four-year “friendship”.
The only thing that kept me hanging on to this person (mentally) was how they’d made me feel when I first met them, and the vain hope that those pleasant feelings could be recreated. As time went on it became obvious that it wasn’t going to happen, although they were more than happy to lead me on.
Have you ever had that experience? Yearning for someone to come back into your life, hoping that things could be how they used to be? But that person just keeps making you wait?
One of the hardest things you can do is give yourself enough credit to not let them do it any more. It can be hard to realise that things aren’t going to happen, and the only reason these people keep you around is so they can get you to do things for them. Unfortunately most of us don’t see that until it’s too late, when they make off with our time and energy and leave us with nothing.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, or how long they’ve claimed to be your friend, lover or partner: if someone’s a lousy friend, none of that even matters. You can’t depend on them for anything, because when times get tough they will literally leave you for dead.
And if they’re a lousy friend to you, they’re a lousy person in general.
One of my goals for 2009 was to eliminate anybody from my life who didn’t add anything to my life: those people who are only there to take, not give. I’ve certainly managed to do that with my MSN Messenger list and site memberships, but I’ve yet to do it with some of the people closest to me.
There’s a song that claims that the number one is the loneliest of all numbers. I don’t know who it’s by, or how it goes.
I’m here tonight, before I go to bed, to tell you that it’s bullcrap. Zero is easily the loneliest number, certainly more so than one. Zero is such a lonely number, it’s not even technically a number.
So I guess you’re wondering why I’ve made that claim? Simple:
- how do you feel when you have 0 new messages in your inbox?
- how do you feel when you have 0 new voicemail messages?
- Or perhaps 0 matches from last night’s speed dating event?
- Maybe there’s 0 friends in your friend list online?
- 0 people interested in you?
- 0 funds left in your bank account (and you have 0 friends, coincidentally)?
Some people don’t mind seeing zeros from time to time, because they have all kinds of numbers to play with. But imagine a life where zero was the only number to present itself. No matter how hard you worked or tried, zero would be the only thing you’ll have to show for it.
Some poeople go their whole lives only seeing zeroes, so much so that they begin to believe that they themselves are nothing.
The thing is, when you’ve been around zero for a long time, suddenly one sounds and feels a lot better. You become a lot more appreciative – and happier -when you have just one.
As was mentioned in the song Just Be Good To Me (another tear-jerker), would you rather have a piece of something, than all of nothing?
Zero is a lot lonelier than one has ever been.