I watched season six of Project Runway in its entirety, not so long ago. (It’s not something I’m proud of – I watched it solely for the creativity involved.) For me, and I suspect other people as well, it was a lot like watching Top Chef season five: it was obvious who the winner was going to be, but I was hoping against hope that someone else would win. I also wasn’t a fan of the gratuitous negativity and artificial suspense, as seems to be the standard for “reality” television.
One question that repeatedly came up for me, while watching Project Runway, was about the way the male fashion designers, and just about anyone on the show who was male, were acting. I wondered if it was absolutely necessary to be gay, or at least have a camp personality, to be in the fashion industry. (Just as well I don’t want to go into fashion; I like pussy too much. 
) I make no assumptions about the sexuality of male designers, nor do I have any problem with homosexuality.
The only answer I could come up with was this: that because fashion designers work so closely with female models, it helps to see things from a female perspective. Whether or not being gay or camp is a prerequisite for that, I would agree that having a “gay” personality would make female models feel more comfortable with working with a fashion designer, particularly when fitting clothes. How awkward would it be for a half-dressed model to witness a fat boner while being fitted? And how easy would it be for a guy, in that position, to try something on? (I don’t mean clothes.)
Just as being gay, camp or metrosexual apparently makes a man less threatening to women, I guess we’ve all had experiences where we’ve felt that we’ve had to adopt a certain kind of personality, just so certain people can feel comfortable. Either they expect you to have a certain personality, or there’s a perception that you have to be a certain type of person to be liked, or even to be in someone’s presence.
I’ve seen and heard many times incidents where, for example, people would talk about the benefits of hanging around loud people, outgoing people or positive people – basically anyone perceived to be more “fun” or enriching. Of course, those same people like to talk about the dangers of hanging around shy, “negative” or even intelligent people – anyone perceived to be less “fun” or detrimental to one’s well-being. Again, the zealots would have you believe that you have to avoid anyone who isn’t “fun”, and only hang around people who are “fun”.
But there’s one huge problem that the zealots have conveniently overlooked, sending millions* of people spiralling into madness:
To hang around positive people, you have to be a positive person.
To hang around loud people, you have to be a loud person.
To hang around certain personalities, you have to have that kind of personality.
You see, at the same time you’re being encouraged to hang around certain types of people, those same people are being encouraged to stay away from people who aren’t like them – which usually includes you.
I have battled with this conundrum for many years: I had been avoided by people because I wasn’t Mr Outgoing, but at the same time I was accused of “not being myself”, or “trying to be who I’m not”, if I’d tried to become more outgoing and lively. In hindsight, being someone who loves making excuses was never who I really was, so I guess it showed.
All I really have to say on this subject – for now – is that it’s important that you are around people who accept you for who you are in the present. The world really doesn’t need any more fairweather friends; in fact, they should probably be #11 on my list of people who really have to go.
But if you’re really set on hanging around those positive/loud/outgoing people, the best answer to the catch 22 I’ve found so far is from a man named Michael Carpenter: that you must choose to be that kind of person first. You can do this by slowly adopting some of the traits characteristic of the kind of people you want to be around. Even though other people will still blow you off and accuse you of not being true to yourself, in time – if you believe the hype – you’ll be attractive to those kinds of people.
I emphasise slowly, because changing personalities is never an two-minute, or even overnight process. I would also advise against changing yourself to suit other people, if that’s not what you really want. But, if you really want to, it can be done.
* estimated figure
Tags: Assumptions, Female Perspective, friends, people, perception, Personal Development, personality, positive, Prerequisite, Project Runway, Reality Television, Sexuality, Social Circles, Social Confidence