It’s official! Since the bullshit that happened at university between 2001 and 2004, I’ve been convinced that some kind of discrimination by eager females was going on, and have been screaming about it from the rooftops ever since. Yet, it’s been freely denied, ridiculed, ignored, accepted, even congratulated, but fiercely opposed.
A recent weblog post from OkCupid about their research into their member habits validated the one thing I’ve suspected for years: that when it comes to the dating game, white men have it made.
(Forgive me for going tabloid.)
The chart they’ve constructed shows that white men have roughly a 29% response rate from women across the board, compared to around 21% for black men. Only Indian men have a lower percentage (roughly 20%).
And if you think I’m sensationalising, have a look at the table regarding attitudes toward skin colour and interracial marriage, near the bottom of the post.
The bias has been blatantly obvious offline, but now (at least on OkCupid) it’s been proven to happen online as well. I’m not so much angry about the whole thing, as I am glad that it’s finally been exposed – it’s about time. It proves I’m not raving mad.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that it’s not okay to have racial preferences, or that having them makes people racist. I’m also not suggesting that every rejection that I’ve had, or that other people have had, has been because of colour.
Personally I think it’s extremely shallow to decide whether or not to be attracted to someone based on skin colour, though I’m undecided on whether or not it’s more shallow than going for looks. Either way, anyone who has these shopping-list preferences obviously has a reason for them, even if it’s as basic as having been told what to find attractive.
(If we have armies of people preaching the Law of A-crap-tion, and that we choose to be miserable or happy, I’m sitting here telling you folks that people choose who they are attracted to. It’s what delusional men and women refer to as “chemistry”.)
The problem I have with the whole “preference” thing is that most of the people who announce having them are delusional; they won’t admit (even to themselves) when they’re being shallow.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women casually saying that they like [insert race here] people only, or that they’ll only talk to [insert race here] people, or make friends only with [insert race here] people – with the obligatory “soz just a preference” – and then get stroppy and defensive if someone accuses them of being narrow-minded.
But the thing that really flips my load is when someone will make all kinds of other excuses as to why they won’t even talk to someone, when in reality it’s solely because of colour or race…
- “not my type”
- “no chemistry”
- “too big” (I have actually had this one)
- “too shy”
- “you’re a nice guy”
- “not ready for a relationship”
- …you fill in the potty holes
They hide behind silent treatment and excuses, simply because they want to have the preferences, but not the label of being shallow or racist. And again, I’m not saying that anyone who has racial preferences is automatically a racist.
Imagine how you would feel if you were crazy about someone, and they told you all different kinds of reasons why they weren’t interested – only to find out somehow that you’re the “wrong” colour for them.
Well most people don’t even find that out.
Tags: Attitudes, Bias, Black Men, Dating Game, Discrimination, Females, Okcupid, people, Racial Preferences, rejection, Response Rate, Skin Colour, White Men
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